2016 - My Year In Review

This is super belated, but we have made it through another year!! Syanara, 2016! It's been real horrible.  For the sake of finally getting this post up and being lazy I will be going sans photo for this post. If you would like to see my year in photos just check out my Instagram!

As always, I like to look back at the year and its ups and downs to see how it went for myself and how it grew. 2016 was a major year of growth for me! A lot of things of note happened and I am really proud of myself for how far I have come in the last year alone. So what was this year like for me?

More confident 

Well I'm not so sure if it's confidence or just the fact that I don't care anymore. But I found this year that I grew less self conscious. I felt confident enough to go makeup-less in public (really I just don't give a shit anymore) and I even began posting pictures online of me bare faced. That is a HUGE step for me, it used to be that I wouldn't even go to a gas station without eyeliner, or I would have to have a full face of makeup on in order to feel secure enough to post selfies. These days, I just put makeup on because I feel like it. 

I also haven't felt the need to do an entire face of makeup when I'm going out. Just a little foundation, concealer and mascara have been good enough for me some days. 

I am slowly learning to become more comfortable in my own skin and to embrace my flaws. There was a time where I desperately struggled to cover up the scar on my right cheek; now I sort of embrace it.

Found and Lost Love

At the beginning of this year I took a chance and went on a date which turned into a nearly six month relationship. As much as I had wanted it, I never thought that I would be able to fall for someone since it hadn't happened before; I was pleasantly surprised when I truly fell for him. However, I was naive and didn't realize that my once wonderful romance had turned toxic and sour. 

Sure, I was exceptionally happy and blissful in the beginning. That's because he was very good at charming people and I was blinded by my heart to truly see past all of the illusions. Slowly the veil was lifted and I was able to see through all of his lies and deceptions. I'm proud of myself for having the guts to leave when I was unhappy and for not crawling back when he begged for me back. Even with all of the rotten details coming to light post breakup, I feel that I handled it a lot more maturely than I could have. And as painful as it was, I learned a lot from the experience.

[Note: No visual proof because I deleted every photo with him in it; I hate seeing his smug face] 

My First Convention

In July I attended my very first convention; Connecticon 2016! 

Even though my ex ruined a lot of the experience for me, I still had a blast. I stayed in a hotel in Hartford for a few days - arriving on thursday to register and get settled and leaving on Sunday.

I cosplayed on Friday and Saturday; being Marceline from Adventure Time on the former, Usagi in her season 3 school uniform from Sailor Moon on the latter. The last day I just dressed really cutely in my favorite dress and some converse. 

The con was a paradise filled with so many people like me! I attended many events and a few panels. I saw some anime voice actors I am a fan of - Erica Mendez, Johnny Yong Bosch, Lauren Landa, and Keith Silverstein. 

I had attended with one of my best friends, Becky and my ex; through all of the bullshit with my ex and living with each other in a hotel for a few days I feel like my bond with Becky grew <3 .

My First Hotel Stay 

With Connecticon and living an hour away from the state's capital it was a given that we would need to stay in a hotel near the convention center. This was my very first time staying in a hotel! The first night there I flooded the bathroom when taking a bath, we went swimming in the large and lovely pool every day, and the room service was great.

Saying "Yes" To More Things

One of my secret resolutions to myself for 2016 was to say yes to more things. My anxiety and OCD kept me from enjoying a lot of things over the years and memories with friends. So I said yes to more things, even if they scared me or if they were last minute. Even through all of the difficult times this year, I have a lot of great memories simply from saying "yes"!

Went Out of My Comfort Zone 

This year was the big start of me venturing from my comfort zone. I grew tired of anxiety completely ruling my life. So what did I do? I went for new experiences. I went hiking, I went to my first convention, I went to business meetings, I went out of my way to talk with people and grow my business. I even went for more daring makeup choices!

Went For My Dreams 

This year I focused hardcore on my business. My little baby grew so much! Building a business let alone a clientele can take many, many years. I discovered how ignorant I was with running a business so I put my all to raise it from the ground. My sales and appointments didn't come in the abundance that I had expected and planned for. But I did gain new clients and I did more photoshoots!  

Celebrated The Sabbats 

This year I celebrated most of the Sabbats (Wiccan holidays) with my coven. We made a point to free up those days and do various activities and rituals to celebrate. It felt so wonderful and right!

Took and Gradated From a Business Class 

While becoming more serious with my business I realized that I could use some more information and structure. After some research I decided to enroll in an online course on business through Santa Clara University. It felt great to not only be learning and serious about my future but also to shut up my family hounding me about college. I worked hard, spending hours and hours taking meticulous notes. Finally the day of my final arrived and I graduated with a total grade of 92!

Was More Myself

This year I acted more myself with my family. For many years I had been forced to put on a sort of facade around much of my family. I had to keep parts of who I am and my personality hidden because for lack of a better term they were too stuck up. I was ridiculed for small things like my hair color so I did not feel comfortable being myself. Luckily I don't have contact with many of those family members anymore. I still felt repressed and like I had to act and be a certain way around other members of my family. Slowly it began with Facebook, I decided to allow myself to speak like I do - swears, opinions and all. After a rather immature fight started by a cousin I decided to stop giving a damn and playing the "nice" one or the peacemaker. If my family didn't like who I really was, then fuck them.

Although I embraced myself more, I did become more repressed when certain family members chastised me for having the courage to speak up about my rape on social media.

Discovered My Ancestry  

Samhain - the biggest Wiccan holiday of the year, also known as Halloween is deeply rooted in celebrating your ancestors and departed loved ones. One popular activity to celebrate the Sabbat is to research or share the story of your ancestry. I dedicated myself to discovering more about my ancestry and my family lineage where I discovered some surprising and pretty cool things. I traced my dad's family all the way back to Germany. I knew that I was German before, but I did not know how super German I was. I have so many ancestors that descended from Germany and not very far off generations too. I was able to actually see the handwritten marriage records of my great (not sure how many) great grandparents. Much of my family hails from Bavaria, Germany. Of course the weeb in me found it cool that one of the inspirational cities for Attack on Titan resides within the state of Bavaria. I also discovered my ancestors from Ireland and surprisingly England and Austria. To say the least, I'm very European in ancestry.

Started Feeling Like an Adult

Even at 21 and 22 I never really felt like much of an adult. But at 23, I felt adulthood rear its head more. I'm not sure if it was due to dating, to sexual discussions becoming more of a popular topic with those in my life or from paying bills. I just know that adulting sucks! It is also a fearful experience. At 23 (24 in a matter of months) I almost feel like time is running out to get my life together. It is so stupid and stressful how society places so much pressure on women to find a man and get married in their early/mid twenties. So many girls I graduated high school with, friends that I've had since I was little are now married or have children. It is so bizarre and frightening. Even though dating is not a priority, I don't want to be 25 and single. Turning 25 scares the hell out of me as well, since 30 will be 5 years away.

Spent More Time In Nature 

In 2016 I spent a lot of time with nature, it was so freeing. I cannot wait for this cold, New England winter to end so that I can go hiking and swimming once more. My town contains several nature reserves/parks that are open to the public to explore and enjoy. Vicky and I went to all of these over the summer/early fall and spent time enjoying nature. I went to Kent Falls for the first time in Kent, Connecticut which is a beautiful camping ground and nature park. The second time I went was a tad hellish even though I loved the nature. For Vicky's birthday she had the idea for our large party group to hike up the mountain/hill to get to a swimming hole....the swimming hole didn't exist. Then I whined enough that we went to Mount Tom in Litchfield, Connecticut. I hadn't been there for years, so I was extremely excited. Mount Tom is a beautiful and clean beach/lake. Motor boats are not allowed to run in it so the water is not polluted like that of the Candlewood Lake. I had so much fun swimming in the water and felt so at peace. I love being in the water!

Meditation

I started meditating more and discovered the correct way to meditate - I love it! Meditation is very peaceful and freeing. It helps you to discover things about yourself as well as de-stress and get rid of anxiety.


2016 was a year of many ups and downs as well as self discovery. I'm hoping that 2017 holds much better things and less downs.

Xoxo

Heather Zombie

My Year In Review

Hello my dears! Truth be told I stole this post idea from my friend Jeff (Hiiiiii!!!!) and it's a damn good one! I think it's important to review the year and see how far you have come. And boy did I have lots of that this year.  I will get a bit personal here as I take a look back at this year. For starters 2015 was the 2nd worst year of my life.

First selfie of 2015!

2015 started out normally....with a cold that never fully went away. In April I woke up one morning to a ringing in my ear. I went to the doctor a week later and was prescribed Flonase to take care of the problem, assuming that my clogged sinuses and ears were to blame....then it all went down hill from there. For 2-3 months I battled severe illness as a result of a combination of a bad reaction to the Flonase and from the stress of dealing with tinnitus 24/7. I had never been so sick in my life, even when I nearly died from pneumonia as a child. It was absolute hell and nearly landed me in the hospital a few times. Of course my doctors were a bit puzzled and weren't much help. Eventually we figured out that the stress and anxiety I was feeling from the ringing was physically making me sicker and making me incapable of getting better.

 I eventually (luckily) recovered but then had another enemy to battle - anxiety. The ringing racked me with severe anxiety. It was at the point where I was constantly pulling all nighters and finally falling asleep for 3-4 hours at a time around 8 or 9 in the morning because I couldn't stop the panic attacks. I had the hardest time eating really anything but yogurt; I lost 20 pounds as a result of everything from the anxiety.  Tensions at home were high - my mom didn't understand anxiety at all so she snapped at me a lot. She was also really worried because I was so sick and she was convinced she would come home one day and find me dead.

To make matters worse, I went to the ear doctor and there was nothing they could do to stop the ringing or help me. That was my breaking point and I just spiraled down from there. After a week of not sleeping at all and feeling like I was not only  in a Nightmare on Elm Street movie but also feeling like I was on drugs while I waited at the ear doctor's office because I was so sleep deprived ,I decided it was time to get help for my anxiety.

 So I went to the doctor and insisted she put me on medication for it. I was prescribed Zoloft for my anxiety, after two weeks things got better. I was having less panic attacks, I could actually sleep for the most part and I could actually do things other than coloring, reading Harry Potter  or watching TV. One thing I never knew possible - if you have severe anxiety it is near impossible to focus on a task.  I did however have my dose upped from there and it was totally the best thing I did. I recovered which I never felt was possible. Sure my anxiety is still a struggle I'll probably have for the rest of my life. Sometimes I still get minor panic attacks but I can usually calm myself down. Loud or sudden noises startle me quite easily now too ever since I had those struggles.

As a result of being severely fucked up until say August/September of this year I in a way lost myself and had a lot of internal struggle. What really helped me through all of it were 3 things: my friends Vicky and Natasha and my rediscovering of Wicca. I don't remember what triggered it but something convinced me to get back in touch with my witchy roots...it was the thing that saved me and pulled me out of the darkness. It helped me to cope and gave me something else to focus on. No this isn't one of those "I found religion so I'm better" things; on the contrary. I still retain my atheist ideals, I don't worship any sort of god; rather I worship and celebrate nature. I was also into wicca at a young age and just lost touch with it.

No, children the pentagram/pentacle is not evil. It represents the 5 elements: Earth, Fire, Water, Air and Spirit. There is nothing evil about wicca, it is actually a very peaceful way of life. No...we won't curse you. 

From there I formed my own coven with Vicky and it has all felt so right.

Some good things did happen this year, so it wasn't completely horrible. What good came from 2015?

 I got to have the tea party of my dreams.

I finally saw that damn blood moon that I had been trying to see for 2 years.

I began not only writing one book but two. And it has felt absolutely wonderful to get back to writing.

I got more into cosplay and makeup. I also resurrected my business.

I grew very close to some new friends this year and also grew closer to old ones. Particularly Natasha, Charlie, Jeff and Vicky. I now talk to Natasha and Vicky nearly every day and it makes me so glad that we do ^__^.

Another major thing that happened this year - I gained some confidence. I don't have the best self confidence honestly. There are guys on twitter that will tell me I'm hot, cute or beautiful and it just leaves me clueless. Like, are you sure you're talking about me? I may seem like a really confident person with the various projects I share with you all but I'm not. You should see all of the work behind the scenes and my struggle when I record songs and try to decide if I should post them.

 I don't always feel like I'm pretty let alone beautiful. I used to text Vicky every time I was going to post a picture of myself online to see if it looked alright.

Slowly, I began to stop caring. Hell I even posted a few pictures of my makeup-less (which is rather scary) face this year! It used to be if my photos showed even a tiny bit of imperfection I would scrap it. But now I just post what I want. I also am learning to become more comfortable in my own skin. It used to be when friends would come over to hang I would have to put on a full face of makeup, now I am happy to say I have no problem being bare faced around them. However I still can't go to the store without makeup.

We adopted my cat Nina in January of this year, and I love her so much <3.

This year I became even more of a weeb. From watching more anime and now having a gigantic chunk of my room covered in anime posters. I think I even became more of a fangirl ._____.

I also started this blog!! I started it I think in February? Either way this blog is nearly a year old! I honestly can't believe it and I have all of you lovely readers to thank for keeping me going with writing this. So thank you so much for sticking with me and supporting me, even if I'm not the most reliable poster.

We had a lot of drama in my family this year; between one of my grandma's psychotic and mentally ill adoptive children (whom is pretty much disowned) showing up at her house with a knife and threatening her, my mom's health struggles and mine, my grandma being diagnosed with Non Hodgkins Lymphoma last year (it hasn't become cancerous yet), a nasty custody situation with my cousins and my aunt's dog becoming paralyzed from Lyme disease (he's getting better and walking low). Yeah.....fun times!!! My family is like a fucking soap opera.

I'm still single. Although many signs have pointed out that I should focus more on my mental well being, I hope that that special someone comes along in 2016. I'm at the point where yes I do want love. I've always been the type that rolled their eyes when friends were all lovey-dovey with boyfriends/girlfriends and I swore off wanting a relationship. But I guess because I'm growing older things have changed. And I have changed a LOT in the last 4-5 years. No it isn't my biological clock ticking, I never want children.

I don't trust online dating, so sorry fanboys. Fingers crossed for me guys!

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday. My Christmas was very nice. I went to a party at my aunt's house New Years Eve and got a little tipsy xD....my uncle's sister kept coming by refilling my glass! 

White Christmas Martini with Pinnacle vanilla and Godiva chocolate liquier

On Christmas I stayed home with my mom, we sat in our PJs and watched Disney movies while having cocktails. We had some insane summer like weather and had to have the A/C on which was a first in December.

 I got a lot of lovely gifts such as these from Vicky:  

A book from my favorite Wiccan author, a Hagrid Funko figure (I'm trying to build my collection) and a Jack Skellington bow.

My mom got me the new Fire tablet since the tablet my dad got me (and the last thing he ever gave me) died this year. It's beautiful, I absolutely love it!! I named it Tabby *^*. It really surprised me for a $50 tablet. I can even side load apps to it!

She also got me this necklace to put my dad's ashes in so that I can carry him wherever I go.

And this beautiful tea cup charm for my charm bracelet.

I got this necklace from my Aunt Sharon and I'm completely obsessed with it.

My friend Amanda got me these from Lush (including the heavenly rose scented shampoo bar I've been dying for  - Jason and the Argan Oil) 

And I got a beautiful package from Natasha with a bunch of things I love. My favorite however is this Sailor Moon lanyard (which I put my keys on) and a flash drive for my writing. Thank you so much again! <3

Gee...could you tell that I REALLY like anime??? 

I'm not going to list everything I got though, just thought I would share some of my favorite things ^_^.

My last selfie of 2015.

Anyway, I hope you all have a wonderful New Year's Eve and be safe! Don't drink and drive! I hope 2016 is an even better year for everyone and that it brings all that you wish <3

Xoxo

Heather Zombie <3

P.S  To my friends - for a few days I may be out of reach, as the anniversary of when we lost my dad (January 4) is drawing near.