Throwback: The Embarassing Scene Kid Phase

 This post was meant to be a commentary on my generation's journey through social media over the years...but it turned into a nostalgia bomb of discussing the scene kid era.

I often consider my generation; those currently in their 20s to be the pioneers of social media. We were on Myspace (though most of us weren't supposed to be), we made Facebook a household name and we started the popularity of Twitter. Not only that, but we weeded through many more failed attempts at popular social media sites.

Sure, the internet was around before many of us were born, but the big boom of the internet becoming more and more popular and without having to tie up the phone line to use it started when many of us were roughly middle school aged.

I didn't have internet in my house until around 2005. Before then I had to resort to using school computers or battling my cousin to use my grandma's computer. My parents like many others were paranoid of the dangers of meeting people online. I wasn't allowed to post photos of myself or use my actual name...not that that ever stopped me. Myspace was in its zenith with the birth of "scene kids" - the terrible trend of teenagers spending way too much time on their myspace pages posting selfies and blingee gifs. Even worse was the style - ratty teased hair, tight clothing colored like a rainbow threw up and adorned with brass knuckles, Hello Kitty and Gloomy Bear. Girls taking pictures with cans of hairspray and straighteners, wearing enough eyeliner to put Alice Cooper to shame and those obnoxious "coon tails" type of hair - a random striped, colored piece of hair modeled to look like a racoon. They were all obsessed with MAC cosmetics and energy drinks.

Yes...I was one of them. 

Me at 15/16. All that is missing is my signature neon rainbow eyeshadow look

 I had a myspace profile for a while (though I'm pretty sure I deleted it and all of the embarrassing evidence). It was decked out in a background with neon colors with depictions of little hand pistols, brass knuckles, diamonds, bats and Hello Kitty.

A typical scene kid collaged wallpaper

I had so many of those obnoxious graphics that flashed and glittered, with annoying sayings in a myriad of colors

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! There was so such thing as a "cool" emo kid. 

I also had the oh, so important playlist that everyone would judge your page; the introductory song HAD to be perfect. I admittedly had "Fer Sure" by The Medic Droid being my featured song. I am linking it below because it is too horrible not to, and I need someone to laugh at it with.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDCAy2CUCJs

 Speaking of the music! It was a huge (and terrible) pillar of the whole movement. Yes, not all of it was bad; I still listen to All Time Low. But MAN was a lot of it shitty. Most of the music consisted of pop-punk (more so on the pop side) and electronica. Many of the artists had terrible singing voices or really just "talk sang" but they were popular because of their look. Because let's face it, looks were everything in the scene community. Blood on the Dance Floor is one terrible band that comes to mind. I used to love them embarrassingly enough. I thought they were "edgy" because most of their lyrics were about sex and they had lyrics like "I'll cut, cut, cut you up. I'm a monster, ha ha ha" ...yes those are actual lyrics from one of their songs. I'm cringing just from the fact that I STILL remember some of their lyrics.

Jeffree Star, now known for his makeup and feud with Kat Von D was a huge face of the community and came out with his own music. I do still dig some of his songs, as terrible as they are. Metro Station - a band featuring Miley Cyrus' brother, Trace Cyrus and Mitchell Musso's brother Mason Musso were one of the king bands in the scene. You may know their song "Shake It" from the only album they ever debuted. And of course everyone had "Here In Your Arms" by Hellogoodbye on their profiles.

Some other bands from the era to note are Hey Monday, Cute Is What We Aim For, 3OH!3, Paramore, Boys Like Girls,  Hollywood Undead, Forever The Sickest Kids and We The Kings. Though I don't really listen to Hollywood Undead anymore, I still listen to the rest of the bands in this list. Hey Monday was a great and fun pop-punk band featuring a female lead singer - Cassadee Pope. Many of you may know her now from The Voice and her subsequent country music career. Cute Is What We Aim For only really had one big hit "The Curse of Curves", but oh was it great. 3OH!3 was very popular and mainstream; they even did songs with the likes of Kesha (back when she had the $ sign in her name) and Katy Perry. Now, I hate a lot of their lyrics - they are very disrespectful towards women ie "Shush girl, shut your lips. Do the Helen Keller, and talk with your hips.". But the songs are damn catchy and the line "Tell your boyfriend, if he says he's got beef that I'm a vegetarian and I ain't fucking scared of him." still to this day makes me laugh.

Boys Like Girls had a few really good songs - The Great Escape and Thunder. They even did a song titled "Two Is Better Than One" with Taylor Swift before she climbed to superstar status. We The Kings is still a good band, though you don't hear much about them anymore. They were the artists behind "Check Yes Juliet." and Forever The Sickest Kids had one hit song, "Whoah". The only band aside from All Time Low to really make it huge from the scene was Paramore. Back in the day everyone wanted to be Hayley Williams with the emergence of "Misery Business". So many girls were dying their hair and cutting it to match her signature style. Yes...I'm guilty of the haircut.

And the all time staple of the scene kid - the scene name. Yes, I had one of those too. Also called the Myspace name, it was a name one formed for themselves to appear "unique" on the website. They often had a misspelling of a name with various non-letter characters mixed in such as R3b3cca. Or they just had a misspelling of another word used as a last name, with the same first letter of the first name in attempt to appear edgy for example Kara Krayola or Beth Bloodshed. I went by Heather Homocyde.

Yes....spelled exactly like that. *Face palm* -_______-

At the time I thought the whole scene kid thing and community was fun. I enjoyed wearing bright colors and dressing like a fucking weirdo with my dead glow stick bracelets and my necklace fashioned from the tabs of those god-awful Monster energy drinks on a chain. My best friend at the time began to look more and more like the stereotypical scene kid and she made it look so awesome that I wanted to get in on it.She was always much "cooler" than I was and people were always drawn to her; I often found myself wanting to be more like her and wishing I had that sort of charisma. I was always the nerdy weird kid that never truly fit in anywhere growing up.

The thing is...the scene community was terrible. It was SO fake! Like really, really fake. A lot of the scene kids were such catty, snotty, judgemental little assholes that whined about not being accepted and not being like everyone else. If you didn't have a certain look, and if you weren't rail thin they mostly wouldn't want to deal with you. Everything was about appearances.

After a while, the entire look and community grew tiresome. Yes, I liked it but after a while I had realized I was trying too hard to fit in with this style and in the end was being something I wasn't. And that is never cool. Sure, all teenagers do that at some time or another; but I was so disappointed in myself because I had always vowed never to do such a thing.

Even though my scene phase and that entire era is an embarrassing mark upon my teenage years, they did really shape me as a person and showed me what was actually important - being yourself.

I leave you with this question: were you also a scene kid? Share your experiences below!

Xoxo

Heather Zombie <3

Anyone Else Miss the Old FUSE Channel?

I often reminisce about running off of the school bus then getting home as fast as possible every day so that I could watch Sailor Moon on Toonami at 4 O'clock as a child. But I rarely discuss the other programming block that made a huge impact on me growing up - and that was FUSE. Okay, so it isn't a programming block per se, but this channel as a whole made a huge impact upon me  back in the day.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIyS-PhIueU

I discovered it roughly around 2004 - 2005. It was when I started to get into real music aside from mindless pop. I fondly remember the 2005-2007 era when I was in middle school/just starting high school. Not as much about school itself - because that wasn't a great period of time for me, save for 7th grade; but for my memories of FUSE and the music I listened to. At that time, Alternative Rock or "Emo" music was hugely popular. So much so that MTV was playing the music videos of My Chemical Romance, Fallout Boy and Panic! At The Disco.

 

Yes, shocking; MTV playing music!!!!

Before its gradual decline in the late 2000s, it was such a fresh and unique take on music television. They didn't have a myriad of half- baked "reality" shows or movies running just to fill empty air time, but they had music videos and music related programming airing nearly 24/7. This wasn't an easy feat in that era, with the birth of Youtube and any music video you want to watch being a click away; but they pulled it off. Although most of the music on the channel was alternative and rock, they played some pop, hip hop and rap as well. Sadly, when they began to cater more to the mainstream, the channel lost all of its magic and freshness.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9q_6w1cF8GI&t=26s

The bulk of FUSE's programming revolved around music videos, but in a way to hold the audience's attention. One of these such shows was Pants Off Dance Off - a sort of game show where contestants would strip tease dance to music videos; it featured the music video playing in the background a la green screen while the contestant danced.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZ23k1nTcTM

Then there was Video on Trial where a panel of various people critiquing music videos. I also vaguely remember a show titled Fastest Fingers where people would text messages to air beside their favorite music videos. There were countdowns, fan voter competitions and so many more shows.

Possibly the most well known from FUSE was Steven's Untitled Rock Show. This show was one of my favorites and made a huge impact on me. It was always on when I came home from school so I would watch as I did my homework.

 It featured Steven Smith, the most popular and well known host on FUSE. On his show he interviewed bands and played music videos. For me, the most remembered interview was one with My Chemical Romance where Steven toured their tour bus and Gerard Way taught him how to do his signature stage makeup look.

Here are a series of clips from SURS featuring the band Aiden: 

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=951Ld-ln5mA 

 

 

Steven was cool, witty and funny - that's what made the show so good! He actually knew what he was doing and knew the scene, being a fan of it himself. He wasn't just a pretty face hired to grab for ratings.

He went on tour with bands to interview them. When Fuse had their "Warped Wednesdays" on Wednesdays during the summer, Steven would attend Vans Warped Tour; he would talk to bands and with fans. I always set my alarm in the mornings to watch it and stuck with it all day. It was fun! We got to see different sides of our favorite bands in between videos from the musicians on the tour in that year. Warped Tour was a big deal on FUSE, it basically was the forefather of the alternative and punk scene as we know it today.

Another popular show, Loaded I loved as equally. I believe Loaded is still around today but it isn't the same as it was. Loaded is a show spanning a half hour that plays music videos dedicated to a singe artist. It was always fun when your favorite band was featured on an episode. Though I don't remember the title of the show, they also aired behind the scenes episodes depicting how your favorite music videos were made.

I forever wish that these programs would be resurrected, but that is highly unlikely. At least this moment in time was captured and some kind souls uploaded it to the internet for all of us to revel in the nostalgia. FUSE these days is sad - more so featured on hip hop and 90% of the programming consists of random movies and 90s sitcoms. If you watched FUSE back in the day, feel free to comment with your memories!

Xoxo

Heather Zombie

2016 - My Year In Review

This is super belated, but we have made it through another year!! Syanara, 2016! It's been real horrible.  For the sake of finally getting this post up and being lazy I will be going sans photo for this post. If you would like to see my year in photos just check out my Instagram!

As always, I like to look back at the year and its ups and downs to see how it went for myself and how it grew. 2016 was a major year of growth for me! A lot of things of note happened and I am really proud of myself for how far I have come in the last year alone. So what was this year like for me?

More confident 

Well I'm not so sure if it's confidence or just the fact that I don't care anymore. But I found this year that I grew less self conscious. I felt confident enough to go makeup-less in public (really I just don't give a shit anymore) and I even began posting pictures online of me bare faced. That is a HUGE step for me, it used to be that I wouldn't even go to a gas station without eyeliner, or I would have to have a full face of makeup on in order to feel secure enough to post selfies. These days, I just put makeup on because I feel like it. 

I also haven't felt the need to do an entire face of makeup when I'm going out. Just a little foundation, concealer and mascara have been good enough for me some days. 

I am slowly learning to become more comfortable in my own skin and to embrace my flaws. There was a time where I desperately struggled to cover up the scar on my right cheek; now I sort of embrace it.

Found and Lost Love

At the beginning of this year I took a chance and went on a date which turned into a nearly six month relationship. As much as I had wanted it, I never thought that I would be able to fall for someone since it hadn't happened before; I was pleasantly surprised when I truly fell for him. However, I was naive and didn't realize that my once wonderful romance had turned toxic and sour. 

Sure, I was exceptionally happy and blissful in the beginning. That's because he was very good at charming people and I was blinded by my heart to truly see past all of the illusions. Slowly the veil was lifted and I was able to see through all of his lies and deceptions. I'm proud of myself for having the guts to leave when I was unhappy and for not crawling back when he begged for me back. Even with all of the rotten details coming to light post breakup, I feel that I handled it a lot more maturely than I could have. And as painful as it was, I learned a lot from the experience.

[Note: No visual proof because I deleted every photo with him in it; I hate seeing his smug face] 

My First Convention

In July I attended my very first convention; Connecticon 2016! 

Even though my ex ruined a lot of the experience for me, I still had a blast. I stayed in a hotel in Hartford for a few days - arriving on thursday to register and get settled and leaving on Sunday.

I cosplayed on Friday and Saturday; being Marceline from Adventure Time on the former, Usagi in her season 3 school uniform from Sailor Moon on the latter. The last day I just dressed really cutely in my favorite dress and some converse. 

The con was a paradise filled with so many people like me! I attended many events and a few panels. I saw some anime voice actors I am a fan of - Erica Mendez, Johnny Yong Bosch, Lauren Landa, and Keith Silverstein. 

I had attended with one of my best friends, Becky and my ex; through all of the bullshit with my ex and living with each other in a hotel for a few days I feel like my bond with Becky grew <3 .

My First Hotel Stay 

With Connecticon and living an hour away from the state's capital it was a given that we would need to stay in a hotel near the convention center. This was my very first time staying in a hotel! The first night there I flooded the bathroom when taking a bath, we went swimming in the large and lovely pool every day, and the room service was great.

Saying "Yes" To More Things

One of my secret resolutions to myself for 2016 was to say yes to more things. My anxiety and OCD kept me from enjoying a lot of things over the years and memories with friends. So I said yes to more things, even if they scared me or if they were last minute. Even through all of the difficult times this year, I have a lot of great memories simply from saying "yes"!

Went Out of My Comfort Zone 

This year was the big start of me venturing from my comfort zone. I grew tired of anxiety completely ruling my life. So what did I do? I went for new experiences. I went hiking, I went to my first convention, I went to business meetings, I went out of my way to talk with people and grow my business. I even went for more daring makeup choices!

Went For My Dreams 

This year I focused hardcore on my business. My little baby grew so much! Building a business let alone a clientele can take many, many years. I discovered how ignorant I was with running a business so I put my all to raise it from the ground. My sales and appointments didn't come in the abundance that I had expected and planned for. But I did gain new clients and I did more photoshoots!  

Celebrated The Sabbats 

This year I celebrated most of the Sabbats (Wiccan holidays) with my coven. We made a point to free up those days and do various activities and rituals to celebrate. It felt so wonderful and right!

Took and Gradated From a Business Class 

While becoming more serious with my business I realized that I could use some more information and structure. After some research I decided to enroll in an online course on business through Santa Clara University. It felt great to not only be learning and serious about my future but also to shut up my family hounding me about college. I worked hard, spending hours and hours taking meticulous notes. Finally the day of my final arrived and I graduated with a total grade of 92!

Was More Myself

This year I acted more myself with my family. For many years I had been forced to put on a sort of facade around much of my family. I had to keep parts of who I am and my personality hidden because for lack of a better term they were too stuck up. I was ridiculed for small things like my hair color so I did not feel comfortable being myself. Luckily I don't have contact with many of those family members anymore. I still felt repressed and like I had to act and be a certain way around other members of my family. Slowly it began with Facebook, I decided to allow myself to speak like I do - swears, opinions and all. After a rather immature fight started by a cousin I decided to stop giving a damn and playing the "nice" one or the peacemaker. If my family didn't like who I really was, then fuck them.

Although I embraced myself more, I did become more repressed when certain family members chastised me for having the courage to speak up about my rape on social media.

Discovered My Ancestry  

Samhain - the biggest Wiccan holiday of the year, also known as Halloween is deeply rooted in celebrating your ancestors and departed loved ones. One popular activity to celebrate the Sabbat is to research or share the story of your ancestry. I dedicated myself to discovering more about my ancestry and my family lineage where I discovered some surprising and pretty cool things. I traced my dad's family all the way back to Germany. I knew that I was German before, but I did not know how super German I was. I have so many ancestors that descended from Germany and not very far off generations too. I was able to actually see the handwritten marriage records of my great (not sure how many) great grandparents. Much of my family hails from Bavaria, Germany. Of course the weeb in me found it cool that one of the inspirational cities for Attack on Titan resides within the state of Bavaria. I also discovered my ancestors from Ireland and surprisingly England and Austria. To say the least, I'm very European in ancestry.

Started Feeling Like an Adult

Even at 21 and 22 I never really felt like much of an adult. But at 23, I felt adulthood rear its head more. I'm not sure if it was due to dating, to sexual discussions becoming more of a popular topic with those in my life or from paying bills. I just know that adulting sucks! It is also a fearful experience. At 23 (24 in a matter of months) I almost feel like time is running out to get my life together. It is so stupid and stressful how society places so much pressure on women to find a man and get married in their early/mid twenties. So many girls I graduated high school with, friends that I've had since I was little are now married or have children. It is so bizarre and frightening. Even though dating is not a priority, I don't want to be 25 and single. Turning 25 scares the hell out of me as well, since 30 will be 5 years away.

Spent More Time In Nature 

In 2016 I spent a lot of time with nature, it was so freeing. I cannot wait for this cold, New England winter to end so that I can go hiking and swimming once more. My town contains several nature reserves/parks that are open to the public to explore and enjoy. Vicky and I went to all of these over the summer/early fall and spent time enjoying nature. I went to Kent Falls for the first time in Kent, Connecticut which is a beautiful camping ground and nature park. The second time I went was a tad hellish even though I loved the nature. For Vicky's birthday she had the idea for our large party group to hike up the mountain/hill to get to a swimming hole....the swimming hole didn't exist. Then I whined enough that we went to Mount Tom in Litchfield, Connecticut. I hadn't been there for years, so I was extremely excited. Mount Tom is a beautiful and clean beach/lake. Motor boats are not allowed to run in it so the water is not polluted like that of the Candlewood Lake. I had so much fun swimming in the water and felt so at peace. I love being in the water!

Meditation

I started meditating more and discovered the correct way to meditate - I love it! Meditation is very peaceful and freeing. It helps you to discover things about yourself as well as de-stress and get rid of anxiety.


2016 was a year of many ups and downs as well as self discovery. I'm hoping that 2017 holds much better things and less downs.

Xoxo

Heather Zombie