Hello my dears! Truth be told I stole this post idea from my friend Jeff (Hiiiiii!!!!) and it's a damn good one! I think it's important to review the year and see how far you have come. And boy did I have lots of that this year. I will get a bit personal here as I take a look back at this year. For starters 2015 was the 2nd worst year of my life.
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| First selfie of 2015! |
2015 started out normally....with a cold that never fully went away. In April I woke up one morning to a ringing in my ear. I went to the doctor a week later and was prescribed Flonase to take care of the problem, assuming that my clogged sinuses and ears were to blame....then it all went down hill from there. For 2-3 months I battled severe illness as a result of a combination of a bad reaction to the Flonase and from the stress of dealing with tinnitus 24/7. I had never been so sick in my life, even when I nearly died from pneumonia as a child. It was absolute hell and nearly landed me in the hospital a few times. Of course my doctors were a bit puzzled and weren't much help. Eventually we figured out that the stress and anxiety I was feeling from the ringing was physically making me sicker and making me incapable of getting better.
I eventually (luckily) recovered but then had another enemy to battle - anxiety. The ringing racked me with severe anxiety. It was at the point where I was constantly pulling all nighters and finally falling asleep for 3-4 hours at a time around 8 or 9 in the morning because I couldn't stop the panic attacks. I had the hardest time eating really anything but yogurt; I lost 20 pounds as a result of everything from the anxiety. Tensions at home were high - my mom didn't understand anxiety at all so she snapped at me a lot. She was also really worried because I was so sick and she was convinced she would come home one day and find me dead.
To make matters worse, I went to the ear doctor and there was nothing they could do to stop the ringing or help me. That was my breaking point and I just spiraled down from there. After a week of not sleeping at all and feeling like I was not only in a Nightmare on Elm Street movie but also feeling like I was on drugs while I waited at the ear doctor's office because I was so sleep deprived ,I decided it was time to get help for my anxiety.
So I went to the doctor and insisted she put me on medication for it. I was prescribed Zoloft for my anxiety, after two weeks things got better. I was having less panic attacks, I could actually sleep for the most part and I could actually do things other than coloring, reading Harry Potter or watching TV. One thing I never knew possible - if you have severe anxiety it is near impossible to focus on a task. I did however have my dose upped from there and it was totally the best thing I did. I recovered which I never felt was possible. Sure my anxiety is still a struggle I'll probably have for the rest of my life. Sometimes I still get minor panic attacks but I can usually calm myself down. Loud or sudden noises startle me quite easily now too ever since I had those struggles.
As a result of being severely fucked up until say August/September of this year I in a way lost myself and had a lot of internal struggle. What really helped me through all of it were 3 things: my friends Vicky and Natasha and my rediscovering of Wicca. I don't remember what triggered it but something convinced me to get back in touch with my witchy roots...it was the thing that saved me and pulled me out of the darkness. It helped me to cope and gave me something else to focus on. No this isn't one of those "I found religion so I'm better" things; on the contrary. I still retain my atheist ideals, I don't worship any sort of god; rather I worship and celebrate nature. I was also into wicca at a young age and just lost touch with it.
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| No, children the pentagram/pentacle is not evil. It represents the 5 elements: Earth, Fire, Water, Air and Spirit. There is nothing evil about wicca, it is actually a very peaceful way of life. No...we won't curse you. |
From there I formed my own coven with Vicky and it has all felt so right.
Some good things did happen this year, so it wasn't completely horrible. What good came from 2015?
I got to have the tea party of my dreams.
I finally saw that damn blood moon that I had been trying to see for 2 years.
I began not only writing one book but two. And it has felt absolutely wonderful to get back to writing.
I got more into cosplay and makeup. I also resurrected my business.
I grew very close to some new friends this year and also grew closer to old ones. Particularly Natasha, Charlie, Jeff and Vicky. I now talk to Natasha and Vicky nearly every day and it makes me so glad that we do ^__^.
Another major thing that happened this year - I gained some confidence. I don't have the best self confidence honestly. There are guys on twitter that will tell me I'm hot, cute or beautiful and it just leaves me clueless. Like, are you sure you're talking about me? I may seem like a really confident person with the various projects I share with you all but I'm not. You should see all of the work behind the scenes and my struggle when I record songs and try to decide if I should post them.
I don't always feel like I'm pretty let alone beautiful. I used to text Vicky every time I was going to post a picture of myself online to see if it looked alright.
Slowly, I began to stop caring. Hell I even posted a few pictures of my makeup-less (which is rather scary) face this year! It used to be if my photos showed even a tiny bit of imperfection I would scrap it. But now I just post what I want. I also am learning to become more comfortable in my own skin. It used to be when friends would come over to hang I would have to put on a full face of makeup, now I am happy to say I have no problem being bare faced around them. However I still can't go to the store without makeup.
We adopted my cat Nina in January of this year, and I love her so much <3.
This year I became even more of a weeb. From watching more anime and now having a gigantic chunk of my room covered in anime posters. I think I even became more of a fangirl ._____.
I also started this blog!! I started it I think in February? Either way this blog is nearly a year old! I honestly can't believe it and I have all of you lovely readers to thank for keeping me going with writing this. So thank you so much for sticking with me and supporting me, even if I'm not the most reliable poster.
We had a lot of drama in my family this year; between one of my grandma's psychotic and mentally ill adoptive children (whom is pretty much disowned) showing up at her house with a knife and threatening her, my mom's health struggles and mine, my grandma being diagnosed with Non Hodgkins Lymphoma last year (it hasn't become cancerous yet), a nasty custody situation with my cousins and my aunt's dog becoming paralyzed from Lyme disease (he's getting better and walking low). Yeah.....fun times!!! My family is like a fucking soap opera.
I'm still single. Although many signs have pointed out that I should focus more on my mental well being, I hope that that special someone comes along in 2016. I'm at the point where yes I do want love. I've always been the type that rolled their eyes when friends were all lovey-dovey with boyfriends/girlfriends and I swore off wanting a relationship. But I guess because I'm growing older things have changed. And I have changed a LOT in the last 4-5 years. No it isn't my biological clock ticking, I never want children.
I don't trust online dating, so sorry fanboys. Fingers crossed for me guys!
I hope you all had a wonderful holiday. My Christmas was very nice. I went to a party at my aunt's house New Years Eve and got a little tipsy xD....my uncle's sister kept coming by refilling my glass!
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| White Christmas Martini with Pinnacle vanilla and Godiva chocolate liquier |
On Christmas I stayed home with my mom, we sat in our PJs and watched Disney movies while having cocktails. We had some insane summer like weather and had to have the A/C on which was a first in December.
I got a lot of lovely gifts such as these from Vicky:
A book from my favorite Wiccan author, a Hagrid Funko figure (I'm trying to build my collection) and a Jack Skellington bow.
My mom got me the new Fire tablet since the tablet my dad got me (and the last thing he ever gave me) died this year. It's beautiful, I absolutely love it!! I named it Tabby *^*. It really surprised me for a $50 tablet. I can even side load apps to it!
She also got me this necklace to put my dad's ashes in so that I can carry him wherever I go.
And this beautiful tea cup charm for my charm bracelet.
I got this necklace from my Aunt Sharon and I'm completely obsessed with it.
My friend Amanda got me these from Lush (including the heavenly rose scented shampoo bar I've been dying for - Jason and the Argan Oil)
And I got a beautiful package from Natasha with a bunch of things I love. My favorite however is this Sailor Moon lanyard (which I put my keys on) and a flash drive for my writing. Thank you so much again! <3
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| Gee...could you tell that I REALLY like anime??? |
I'm not going to list everything I got though, just thought I would share some of my favorite things ^_^.
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| My last selfie of 2015. |
Anyway, I hope you all have a wonderful New Year's Eve and be safe! Don't drink and drive! I hope 2016 is an even better year for everyone and that it brings all that you wish <3
Xoxo
Heather Zombie <3
P.S To my friends - for a few days I may be out of reach, as the anniversary of when we lost my dad (January 4) is drawing near.
