As always, I like to look back at the year and its ups and downs to see how it went for myself and how it grew. 2016 was a major year of growth for me! A lot of things of note happened and I am really proud of myself for how far I have come in the last year alone. So what was this year like for me?
More confident
Well I'm not so sure if it's confidence or just the fact that I don't care anymore. But I found this year that I grew less self conscious. I felt confident enough to go makeup-less in public (really I just don't give a shit anymore) and I even began posting pictures online of me bare faced. That is a HUGE step for me, it used to be that I wouldn't even go to a gas station without eyeliner, or I would have to have a full face of makeup on in order to feel secure enough to post selfies. These days, I just put makeup on because I feel like it.
I also haven't felt the need to do an entire face of makeup when I'm going out. Just a little foundation, concealer and mascara have been good enough for me some days.
I am slowly learning to become more comfortable in my own skin and to embrace my flaws. There was a time where I desperately struggled to cover up the scar on my right cheek; now I sort of embrace it.
Found and Lost Love
At the beginning of this year I took a chance and went on a date which turned into a nearly six month relationship. As much as I had wanted it, I never thought that I would be able to fall for someone since it hadn't happened before; I was pleasantly surprised when I truly fell for him. However, I was naive and didn't realize that my once wonderful romance had turned toxic and sour.
Sure, I was exceptionally happy and blissful in the beginning. That's because he was very good at charming people and I was blinded by my heart to truly see past all of the illusions. Slowly the veil was lifted and I was able to see through all of his lies and deceptions. I'm proud of myself for having the guts to leave when I was unhappy and for not crawling back when he begged for me back. Even with all of the rotten details coming to light post breakup, I feel that I handled it a lot more maturely than I could have. And as painful as it was, I learned a lot from the experience.
[Note: No visual proof because I deleted every photo with him in it; I hate seeing his smug face]
My First Convention
In July I attended my very first convention; Connecticon 2016!
Even though my ex ruined a lot of the experience for me, I still had a blast. I stayed in a hotel in Hartford for a few days - arriving on thursday to register and get settled and leaving on Sunday.
I cosplayed on Friday and Saturday; being Marceline from Adventure Time on the former, Usagi in her season 3 school uniform from Sailor Moon on the latter. The last day I just dressed really cutely in my favorite dress and some converse.
The con was a paradise filled with so many people like me! I attended many events and a few panels. I saw some anime voice actors I am a fan of - Erica Mendez, Johnny Yong Bosch, Lauren Landa, and Keith Silverstein.
I had attended with one of my best friends, Becky and my ex; through all of the bullshit with my ex and living with each other in a hotel for a few days I feel like my bond with Becky grew <3 .
My First Hotel Stay
With Connecticon and living an hour away from the state's capital it was a given that we would need to stay in a hotel near the convention center. This was my very first time staying in a hotel! The first night there I flooded the bathroom when taking a bath, we went swimming in the large and lovely pool every day, and the room service was great.
Saying "Yes" To More Things
One of my secret resolutions to myself for 2016 was to say yes to more things. My anxiety and OCD kept me from enjoying a lot of things over the years and memories with friends. So I said yes to more things, even if they scared me or if they were last minute. Even through all of the difficult times this year, I have a lot of great memories simply from saying "yes"!
Went Out of My Comfort Zone
This year was the big start of me venturing from my comfort zone. I grew tired of anxiety completely ruling my life. So what did I do? I went for new experiences. I went hiking, I went to my first convention, I went to business meetings, I went out of my way to talk with people and grow my business. I even went for more daring makeup choices!
Went For My Dreams
This year I focused hardcore on my business. My little baby grew so much! Building a business let alone a clientele can take many, many years. I discovered how ignorant I was with running a business so I put my all to raise it from the ground. My sales and appointments didn't come in the abundance that I had expected and planned for. But I did gain new clients and I did more photoshoots!
Celebrated The Sabbats
This year I celebrated most of the Sabbats (Wiccan holidays) with my coven. We made a point to free up those days and do various activities and rituals to celebrate. It felt so wonderful and right!
Took and Gradated From a Business Class
While becoming more serious with my business I realized that I could use some more information and structure. After some research I decided to enroll in an online course on business through Santa Clara University. It felt great to not only be learning and serious about my future but also to shut up my family hounding me about college. I worked hard, spending hours and hours taking meticulous notes. Finally the day of my final arrived and I graduated with a total grade of 92!
While becoming more serious with my business I realized that I could use some more information and structure. After some research I decided to enroll in an online course on business through Santa Clara University. It felt great to not only be learning and serious about my future but also to shut up my family hounding me about college. I worked hard, spending hours and hours taking meticulous notes. Finally the day of my final arrived and I graduated with a total grade of 92!
Was More Myself
This year I acted more myself with my family. For many years I had been forced to put on a sort of facade around much of my family. I had to keep parts of who I am and my personality hidden because for lack of a better term they were too stuck up. I was ridiculed for small things like my hair color so I did not feel comfortable being myself. Luckily I don't have contact with many of those family members anymore. I still felt repressed and like I had to act and be a certain way around other members of my family. Slowly it began with Facebook, I decided to allow myself to speak like I do - swears, opinions and all. After a rather immature fight started by a cousin I decided to stop giving a damn and playing the "nice" one or the peacemaker. If my family didn't like who I really was, then fuck them.
Although I embraced myself more, I did become more repressed when certain family members chastised me for having the courage to speak up about my rape on social media.
This year I acted more myself with my family. For many years I had been forced to put on a sort of facade around much of my family. I had to keep parts of who I am and my personality hidden because for lack of a better term they were too stuck up. I was ridiculed for small things like my hair color so I did not feel comfortable being myself. Luckily I don't have contact with many of those family members anymore. I still felt repressed and like I had to act and be a certain way around other members of my family. Slowly it began with Facebook, I decided to allow myself to speak like I do - swears, opinions and all. After a rather immature fight started by a cousin I decided to stop giving a damn and playing the "nice" one or the peacemaker. If my family didn't like who I really was, then fuck them.
Although I embraced myself more, I did become more repressed when certain family members chastised me for having the courage to speak up about my rape on social media.
Discovered My Ancestry
Samhain - the biggest Wiccan holiday of the year, also known as Halloween is deeply rooted in celebrating your ancestors and departed loved ones. One popular activity to celebrate the Sabbat is to research or share the story of your ancestry. I dedicated myself to discovering more about my ancestry and my family lineage where I discovered some surprising and pretty cool things. I traced my dad's family all the way back to Germany. I knew that I was German before, but I did not know how super German I was. I have so many ancestors that descended from Germany and not very far off generations too. I was able to actually see the handwritten marriage records of my great (not sure how many) great grandparents. Much of my family hails from Bavaria, Germany. Of course the weeb in me found it cool that one of the inspirational cities for Attack on Titan resides within the state of Bavaria. I also discovered my ancestors from Ireland and surprisingly England and Austria. To say the least, I'm very European in ancestry.
Samhain - the biggest Wiccan holiday of the year, also known as Halloween is deeply rooted in celebrating your ancestors and departed loved ones. One popular activity to celebrate the Sabbat is to research or share the story of your ancestry. I dedicated myself to discovering more about my ancestry and my family lineage where I discovered some surprising and pretty cool things. I traced my dad's family all the way back to Germany. I knew that I was German before, but I did not know how super German I was. I have so many ancestors that descended from Germany and not very far off generations too. I was able to actually see the handwritten marriage records of my great (not sure how many) great grandparents. Much of my family hails from Bavaria, Germany. Of course the weeb in me found it cool that one of the inspirational cities for Attack on Titan resides within the state of Bavaria. I also discovered my ancestors from Ireland and surprisingly England and Austria. To say the least, I'm very European in ancestry.
Started Feeling Like an Adult
Even at 21 and 22 I never really felt like much of an adult. But at 23, I felt adulthood rear its head more. I'm not sure if it was due to dating, to sexual discussions becoming more of a popular topic with those in my life or from paying bills. I just know that adulting sucks! It is also a fearful experience. At 23 (24 in a matter of months) I almost feel like time is running out to get my life together. It is so stupid and stressful how society places so much pressure on women to find a man and get married in their early/mid twenties. So many girls I graduated high school with, friends that I've had since I was little are now married or have children. It is so bizarre and frightening. Even though dating is not a priority, I don't want to be 25 and single. Turning 25 scares the hell out of me as well, since 30 will be 5 years away.
Even at 21 and 22 I never really felt like much of an adult. But at 23, I felt adulthood rear its head more. I'm not sure if it was due to dating, to sexual discussions becoming more of a popular topic with those in my life or from paying bills. I just know that adulting sucks! It is also a fearful experience. At 23 (24 in a matter of months) I almost feel like time is running out to get my life together. It is so stupid and stressful how society places so much pressure on women to find a man and get married in their early/mid twenties. So many girls I graduated high school with, friends that I've had since I was little are now married or have children. It is so bizarre and frightening. Even though dating is not a priority, I don't want to be 25 and single. Turning 25 scares the hell out of me as well, since 30 will be 5 years away.
Spent More Time In Nature
In 2016 I spent a lot of time with nature, it was so freeing. I cannot wait for this cold, New England winter to end so that I can go hiking and swimming once more. My town contains several nature reserves/parks that are open to the public to explore and enjoy. Vicky and I went to all of these over the summer/early fall and spent time enjoying nature. I went to Kent Falls for the first time in Kent, Connecticut which is a beautiful camping ground and nature park. The second time I went was a tad hellish even though I loved the nature. For Vicky's birthday she had the idea for our large party group to hike up the mountain/hill to get to a swimming hole....the swimming hole didn't exist. Then I whined enough that we went to Mount Tom in Litchfield, Connecticut. I hadn't been there for years, so I was extremely excited. Mount Tom is a beautiful and clean beach/lake. Motor boats are not allowed to run in it so the water is not polluted like that of the Candlewood Lake. I had so much fun swimming in the water and felt so at peace. I love being in the water!
In 2016 I spent a lot of time with nature, it was so freeing. I cannot wait for this cold, New England winter to end so that I can go hiking and swimming once more. My town contains several nature reserves/parks that are open to the public to explore and enjoy. Vicky and I went to all of these over the summer/early fall and spent time enjoying nature. I went to Kent Falls for the first time in Kent, Connecticut which is a beautiful camping ground and nature park. The second time I went was a tad hellish even though I loved the nature. For Vicky's birthday she had the idea for our large party group to hike up the mountain/hill to get to a swimming hole....the swimming hole didn't exist. Then I whined enough that we went to Mount Tom in Litchfield, Connecticut. I hadn't been there for years, so I was extremely excited. Mount Tom is a beautiful and clean beach/lake. Motor boats are not allowed to run in it so the water is not polluted like that of the Candlewood Lake. I had so much fun swimming in the water and felt so at peace. I love being in the water!
Meditation
I started meditating more and discovered the correct way to meditate - I love it! Meditation is very peaceful and freeing. It helps you to discover things about yourself as well as de-stress and get rid of anxiety.
2016 was a year of many ups and downs as well as self discovery. I'm hoping that 2017 holds much better things and less downs.
Xoxo
Heather Zombie
I started meditating more and discovered the correct way to meditate - I love it! Meditation is very peaceful and freeing. It helps you to discover things about yourself as well as de-stress and get rid of anxiety.
2016 was a year of many ups and downs as well as self discovery. I'm hoping that 2017 holds much better things and less downs.
Xoxo
Heather Zombie
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