Trick - R - Treating

Hello everyone! This is a topic requested by my friend  Max (AKA Based Ryu).

"As for future topics, I'd love to see your take on trick - r - treating. Do you have any pregame rituals? Any fun surprises in store for the kiddies? I'm dying to know what it's like to visit your door on Halloween. Maybe you could also add your do-s and don'ts of giving out candy, if you have any. Like what are your favorite things to give? Have you ever seen a house that gives out terrible treats?" - Based Ryu 

Thank you so much for your comment and suggestion!

It's no secret and common knowledge at least among my offline friends that I dislike children. I'm like Winifred Sanderson from Hocus Pocus around children xD. They irritate the shit out of me and I don't do well around them. I also have a hard time staying PG not only in my attire but my language and conversation topics as well. But I do make exceptions for my little cousins that like anime and horror movies. They're pretty cool.

I typically don't answer the door for the trick r treaters. When I do, I tend to have some sort of creepy get up on and end up scaring them. Also..they annoy me haha. So people know to keep me away from the door on Halloween. Truth be told, we also don't get many trick r treaters in my neighborhood anymore, as most of the children here are my age and now grown.

So what is my house like on Halloween? It all depends on if I'm actually there! Most of the time, I'm either out partying or getting ready to go out. I make it a rule to always make some sort of plans on Halloween ever since the year my dad forced me to stay home with him and hand out candy. Who wants to do that when they're 14??

Typically I have a horror movie on or creepy music (such as Nox Arcana) playing while I get ready or have a party. There have been occasions were I've been forced to answer the door with half a face of zombie makeup and scared the crap out of a kid.

I would love to be that asshole to hide in the bushes with a chainsaw or pop out dressed as Michael Myers but we simply don't get enough trick r treaters; We get maybe 4 tops. When I was a kid, there was a house in my neighborhood where they not only decorated it to where it was horrifying but someone would hide somewhere and pop out at you. One year it was a pile of leaves. Another year they had people on stilts dressed in creepy Grim Reaper outfits.

As a kid, I was terrified of this house. I would literally get dragged to that house to get candy. Of course now I totally appreciate it. Not many people do such things to keep the spirit of Halloween. Halloween is too tame these days!

My house is always decorated inside and out. If you were to come to my door on Halloween you would see my graveyard, skeleton flamingos and all of my lights among other things. I do my best to carve pumpkins every year, always trying to do something creepy. I refuse to do a standard happy Jack O' Lantern. I admit I'm really good at pumpkin carving and every year get compliments on it.

My favorite houses as a kid were those that decorated and put effort into decorating. I am lucky enough to leave near a good sized condo community, so I used to go there to trick r treat when I was done with my neighborhood. Even some of those people with hardly any room to decorate would have some pretty cool decorations. You can even go to the dollar store for decorations. If you plan on handing out candy, decorate.

As for handing out candy - get something you like. Buy only your favorite candies. Why? If you don't get any trick r treaters or not as many as usual you get to keep it all for yourself. You don't want to keep something nasty do you?

Ladies and gentleman, please, PLEASE, PLEASE don't give out fruit, raisins or chips. That isn't what kids want on Halloween. Please stop the madness! When I was a kid, this old lady in my neighborhood used to give out oranges and pretzels for Halloween.  Everyone hated it. I had even gotten raisins and Christmas popcorn balls while trick or treating.

Seriously....kids don't want that stuff. Plus...many kids are assholes these days and their parents ignore their bratty behavior. If you give such things out on Halloween, chances are your house will get egged by someone.

Don't be stingy with your candy unless you are extremely tight with money and get a lot of kids at your door. Growing up I always hated it when someone would give you only 1-2 pieces  of candy. My dad used to give a handful to each kid when they came to our door and they were so happy! No one has ever egged our house. But maybe that's also because the kids/teens were afraid of my dad....and me.  When I was really young he would spend hours putting together treat bags for the kids in the neighborhood. I also recommend doing that.

If you don't want to give out candy, at least give out some fun little toys or jewelry. Don't be lame.

As for my favorites, I like to give out Reese's, Kit Kat Bars, Milky Ways, Snickers and Twix. Mostly because I love them. I also love Heath bars but they're pretty hard to find in fun sized in my town. As a kid everyone loved getting skittles and fun dip. Seriously fun dip was the shit.

I would not recommend putting a bowl of candy out with a sign if you  A. won't be home or B. will be too lazy to open the door to hand out candy. Do you really think the kids will listen to a sign telling them to take one piece of candy? In this generation? Hell no! If you won't be home or don't feel like getting off of your ass to hand out candy, simply don't do it. Keep your lights off. I have had friends get their houses TPed and their Halloween bowls/decor smashed because they did this and the candy ran out.

If you are still trick r treating, here are some tips for you. Hey, I won't judge. I got dragged out trick r treating when I was 20!! And people thought I was 16. There's no shame in being a teenager and still trick r treating...just don't do it in your 20's.

Do's and don'ts for trick r treaters:

- Wear comfy shoes. You'll be walking a lot and your feet will hurt

- Don't wear something you will trip over. One year it was raining and I was wearing a cape. I not only tripped over the cape, but I slid down some steps.

-Go to condos or houses where people have money. You will get a lot of candy.

-Don't bring props, you will have to carry them around all night. No one wants to do that.

-Bring a backpack so you don't have to go home to unload.

-Say thank you when you get your candy. It's so rude when someone nicely gives you candy and you don't thank them. Don't be a little shit.

-Wear an actual costume. Don't pull on fake glasses and some clothes and call yourself a nerd. You don't get good candy if you're not in costume. Don't be lazy!

-Respect people's decorations, yards and pets. It's self explanatory.



I also feel the need to mention this. Don't be that asshole to go out and vandalize things on mischief night and Halloween. Don't TP anyone's house, throw eggs or spray shaving cream. It's not cool. Growing up, the teenagers and their friends on my street completely destroyed our neighborhood. There would be toilet paper in the trees for months. Every single tree would be covered in toilet paper. My senior year of high school I almost got into a car accident because the toilet paper got stuck to the windshield of the car I was in. We couldn't see and nearly crashed into traffic. They would draw obscene things like drawings of penises and boobs  on the pavement of the road and it would stain. So I'd be stuck seeing dicks for weeks when walking to and from the bus stop. Not what I wanted to see.

It's just not cool! It puts people in danger and it hurts the environment. Before anyone asks, we had called the police many times and they never did a thing. Asshole kids.

Also, for the love of whatever deity or lack there of which you worship LEAVE THE POOR KITTIES ALONE!!!! Some terrible people actually hurt cats, especially black cats on Halloween. These people deserve to be attacked by hyperactive candy filled children...and much worse. You get the picture.

Anyway, there you have it, my story time/guide to trick or treating. Hope you all enjoyed it!

Xoxo

Stay creepy <3